How to Regain Confidence After a Divorce or a Breakup
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Heartbreak caused by divorce or a breakup can cause your self-esteem to drop drastically. Maybe your relationship ended after a series of horrible arguments and a lot of name-calling. In addition to sadness, you may end up feeling shame, regret, like you are a failure, or even that you are afraid of being single over 50. Splitting up is painful. However, you can make it out the other side with your head held high. Here are some tips to help you regain your confidence after a relationship ends.

Pamper yourself

Following a breakup, some might just prefer to stay home and watch TV all day in bed. Others need to be super active in order to get through this difficult time. Everyone is unique and reacts differently. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you spoil yourself. If you want to go on a trip, pack your luggage! Treat yourself so that you feel better in your own body and mind and gain some self-esteem. Spend time with people you love, go to a spa, have a warm bath, buy some new clothes. Do things that make you feel happy. Additionally, taking care of your appearance – even if you don’t want to start a new relationship right away – is an amazing aid to increasing self-confidence.

Exercise

Practicing a physical activity regularly increases our level of serotonin, a brain chemical that influences mood. Doing sport during a depression or when you just feel a little down is important as this makes you feel happier, more motivated and enables you to regain self-esteem. Sunlight is another way to boost your serotonin, as well as getting plenty of vitamin D. Why not go for a jog outside or do some yoga in the park?

Get support and express yourself

Your friends, your family or a therapist can help you feel better. Don’t go through things alone. Talking about your emotions and fears, as well as being listened to, can make you feel so much better. You need to express your feelings.

Most people have experienced at least one separation in their life, however, not everyone knows how to listen well or the right words to say. You need to surround yourself with good friends who know how to cheer you up. If you can’t find supportive friends, seeing a therapist can be a good solution for getting some objective advice and benefitting from an attentive ear.

Listen to your emotions

When a relationship ends, you have friends who suddenly become AWOL, some who are great, supportive listeners and others who give you all kinds of advice without really listening to what you are saying. With the last category, although you can appreciate the fact that they take the time to be there for you, some of their advice might not be all that great. Don’t start dating because your friends say it is the best method to cope. Don’t go to see your ex to have that one last discussion if you don’t feel ready to do so. Listen to your instincts. Take the time to know what you feel and want.

Heal first before dating again

Don’t listen to your friends who tell you that you should start dating again. Take the time first to let go of anger and vulnerability. If you still feel heartbroken, sad or jealous, then it’s not the moment to date yet. Don’t throw yourself into the dating game if you are not ready, even if you feel lonely. This would be the best way to attract partners that are not good for you. You could end up with someone that is too much like your ex and end up repeating the same mistakes. Healing can sometimes take months but it’s perfectly normal. You have plenty of time to find someone else. In fact, many fall in love after 60!

Make lists

Take a piece of paper and write down a list of your positive attributes. This could be your qualities, your skills or achievements that you are proud of. Try to find at least 30 of them. The action of writing, as well as focusing on your plus points, is a great help towards rebuilding damaged confidence.

On another page, make a list of all the things that could improve your life or that you just want to do in the next few months or further on in the future. Then, think of how you could achieve them. You may want to travel the world, write a book, run a marathon or get closer to your parents. Find what you want in your life and how to obtain it. Making plans for the future will help you feel that you have more control over your life.

Last but not least, every night before turning the light off and going to sleep, write down three (or more) positive things that happened to you today. Little by little, you will focus more on the good things around you.

Be patient

Time often heals the pain. These moments when you feel lonely and sad will sooner or later seem like distant memories. Don’t rest on your laurels, though, you also need to be proactive in your own life and work on solving your problems if you want to find happiness again.