12 Signs He or She is not the Right Person for You
At the start of a new relationship, knowing if your partner is the right person for you is tough. After just a few dates or a few weeks of being together, you’re still in that exploration phase. You might see each other regularly, talk passionately for hours or maybe even say ‘I love you’, the thing is that at this stage, you still don’t know each other so well. What if you discover their faults afterwards and find out they are not the right match for you?
Fortunately, even at the beginning of a relationship, there are giveaway signs which show that you’re probably wasting your time with someone who is not for you. To know if you should look for another mature match online, here are 12 signs that he or she is not the One.
1. You see the people you care about less and lessBefore you were together, you used to see your family twice a month and enjoy a pleasant dinner with your friends every now and then. Now that you’re in a relationship, you are seeing those you care about less and less. Why? Because your partner doesn’t like them or doesn’t feel comfortable with them. Or because when you decide to visit your relatives on your own your partner is constantly texting or calling you, which makes your family time less pleasant.
If you recognize yourself in this description, you may be losing your independence. Keep in mind that maintaining your personal space is vital in a healthy relationship.
2. You censor yourselfWhen you’re in a relationship, you should be able to fully be yourself, express your awkwardness, be crazy, stupid, clever, excited, sad, funny or serious. If you deliberately censor yourself and hide certain parts of your personality when you’re with him or her, you’re unlikely to be happy and fulfilled in this relationship.
Because they love you and they support you, the right person for you should make you feel stronger and more self-confident to be who you are, and not someone you are not.
3. You share different valuesValues and morals guide a person’s behaviour and choices. If you disagree on important issues such as religion, politics or moral values, things might not work out between the two of you. You don’t need to share the same beliefs or support the same political party, but there are certain major topics that it's best to be on the same page with to avoid constant conflicts.
4. You constantly disagree with each otherYou don’t want your home to be the field of a constant battle and your dinners to be an endless debate. It’s exhausting and pointless. You need to be able to discuss a variety of topics without being continuously in conflict. If you disagree and get angry at each other most of the time, it’s because you’re too different from each other. It’s not your fault, you just have two very distinctive points of view.
5. They are not there for you when you need themRegrettably, your partner is never there when you need them. Being in a relationship requires both partners to support each other, whether in happy or tough times. You should be able to share your troubles with your mature partner, as well as any more joyful news. Someone unable to offer that to you doesn’t deserve you.
6. They’re too much in demandThey text you all the time when you’re out, they want you to stay with them and not to see your friends, they ask you to help them with their finances, their personal troubles or to sort out their difficult relationship with their children. In short, they need you so much that you’re taking care of them more than you are taking care of yourself. You’re going to quickly feel suffocated in this kind of relationship. After 50, you don’t want to be with someone who needs you to sort out their life.
7. They don’t trust youWhen you’re out with your friends, your partner calls or texts you repeatedly to know what you’re doing, who you’re with, when you’re going home, etc? If you’re over fifty, you almost certainly have a network of friends and activities that you love doing. Your independence is precious and so is a relationship based on trust. You need to be with someone mature, confident, able to trust you and who doesn’t badger you anytime you do something without them.
8. They want to change youIs your partner trying to change your style, to “fix” your bad habits, to convince you that their point of view is worth more than yours? If they try to turn you into someone you’re not, you need to put a full stop to this nonsense. You might have little flaws that you need to work on (just like everyone), but your partner must accept you for who you are. Otherwise, it means that you are not the right match. They take the whole package or they don’t.
9. They never want to do what you enjoy doingYou got out with their friends, watch the football match or go shopping with them even though this is not your thing? By contrast, your partner never accompanies you when you visit your mates or, if they do, they continually moan about being there? Being in a relationship requires both sides to make an effort. If you’re the only one trying to please your partner, then they are not a good match.
10. You don’t see a future with themIf you’re looking for someone to spend your retirement with or to get married to, but your partner doesn’t share the same expectations, this relationship might not fulfil you and may end up just making you unhappy. It’s best to have similar goals and know you can share a common future.
11. They never do little things to make you happyA nice compliment, cooking your favourite meal, stroking your hair, accompanying you to visit your 50+ friends… These little special attentions, whose purpose is simply to make you happy, are essential, whether you’re at the beginning of a relationship or you’ve been together for 25 years.
If your partner never raises a little finger to say something nice about your new haircut or to offer you your favourite pastry, chances are that making you feel special is not one of their priorities.